custody game

I used to be free. To go to the bathroom any time I wanted to. To read the newspaper. Or even to stare at a weed in the grass.
Slowly I've adjusted to living with a few children and the typical chaos. Fighting over a toy or a TV show.
There are days we all sit at the dinner table laughing while one of the kids tells a story. One child tells long detailed stories that meander, but are full of meaning and passion. One child immitates all of the kids so he feels like part of the group. Another, a boy, makes farting noises.
We are a family.
Our group of adults and children have been through some challenging situations. Each one if us has scars from our life before. Rejection from a parent, loss, abuse, and neglect. Each one of us has a lot of healing to do.
We support one another and listen to each other. I watched my children in action yesterday. One child has a fear of dogs and a dog was playfully running near her. Immediately the two oldest children jumped in to help. One kept the dog away while the other held her little sister. The step father was on the scene very quickly to pick up the scared child and bring her indoors.
I love my incredible family. We get along and care about each other even though we come from different parents and homes. We have forged a bond that cannot be broken.
There are people who want to break this bond. They make efforts weekly to do so. It only makes us hold on to each other tighter. Our link is strong.
Sometimes there are threats to take two of the children away. These people do not know us or see us. They want to hurt us.
I ask myself why someone would want to hurt us. Why go to so much trouble to create more pain.
There is no answer. It is out of our control.
Recently, I have had to share more custody with my ex. It has been very hard on our family and we are sad when two of the children are gone for such long periods.
The ex is entitled. The law gives him more custody whether it is good for the kids or not. The kids are not entitled. The mother is not entitled. This is a flaw in the system. I hope someday it will change.
There is nothing to be done. Just try to endure the sadness. It is not easy and some days feel like the end of the world. Even though I will see my kids again in a few days, a mother needs to care for her kids. It is primal and no court or law can eliminate that instinct.
We will have our fun bike rides and plays in the living room. But two children will only have half of that.
Yes, it gives me more time to run errands and take care of responsibilities. But, we are sad. And that does not fill time well.
We want our family back.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Daydream

Staring at the window display, her eyes glaze over. The new mannequins have come in and they have big pointy nipples on flat prepubescent breasts. Dressing the mannequins was her least favorite job, but it allowed her to be away from the customers for a moment.
She fluffs the blouse on the mannequin so the nipples aren't so obvious. "Why don't they wear bras?" She thinks. "I wear a bra."

What if the mannequins had droopy boobs like topless women in Africa? A baby on each breast. Those babies only want one thing from that breast. Milk. Non homogenized milk. Not even refridgerated. Like the sugary milk in boxes of vanilla milk Starbuck's sells to kids while they slurp loudly next to their rich, workaholic mothers on their cell phones. Chai Latte, non fat, no water in hand.
Is it hip and cool to walk around Africa without a shirt on? Do you think they talk about each other and gossip about their bodies while carrying large plastic containers of water from far off spickets in the bush? When the watering hole is dry and the cheetahs are thirsty, do they go raid the urban spickets and fire hydrants? And if the women are topless, are the firefighters in Africa topless? Or maybe the men are bottomless to even out all of the toplessness.
That would be nice.

Take Me to the River comes on through the muffled speakers and we are back in the window display with the nipple lady. She is not topless, is dressed in clothing that is not practical, and her boobs could never lactate. But everyone wants to be her. She is perfect.
Customers have arrived and are calling, "Miss... Miss..." while they talk on their cell phones, Starbuck's chai latte, non fat, no water, in hand.